After months of being put through the hell that is Dora the Explorer, The Wiggles, Go Diego Go, and Sponge Bob Square Pants, Venice has discovered something incredibly wonderful on channel 108: Wow! Wow! Wubbsy.
Seriously.
Every day when I pick her up at preschool she starts in on me:
Venice: I want Wa Wa Wubbsy, Dani.
Me: I know... we’ll watch it when we get home.
Venice: I want Wa Wa Wubbsy.
Me: I know.
Venice: I want Wa Wa Wubbsy, Dani.
Me: *ignoring her*
Venice: Dani?
Me: Yes, Venice?
Venice: I want Wa Wa Wubbsy.
Me: I know.
We do this for the entire 12 minutes that it takes us to get over the river, through the woods, and into the driveway. The entire time I am hauling my lunch, my purse, my laptop and 45 lbs of Charlie into the house and up 2 flights of stairs, she is still talking:
Venice: I want Wa Wa Wubbsy, Dani.
*SiGh*
She parks herself on the couch and looks at me expectantly. I put my stuff down and begin the daily search for the remote while Venice is still repeating, over and over, "I want Wa Wa Wubbsy."
Finally remote is found and Wow! Wow! Wubbsy has appeared magically before her on the wide screen tv.
"Look Dani!" she squeals, "It’s Wa Wa Wubbsy!"
She blissfully watches while I prepare lunch, change Charlie’s diaper, give the dog the attention she feels she’s entitled to after not seeing me for 24 hours, etc.
Lunch is prepared and I call Venice to the table.
No response.
I put her lunch down and tell her to come sit down.
She ignores me, glued to the idiocy on the screen before her.
"Venice!" I say sternly.
Her head moves a fraction of an inch.
"VENICE!" I say a little more loudly, "Come sit down!"
"I eat here," she answers, without once bothering to look at me.
"No," I tell her, "you eat at the table."
"I don’t want to," she replies.
Big shock, right?
We have this conversation, verbatum, about three more times before I finally turn into a hardass and turn off the television until she parks her fanny at the table (where she has a perfect, unobliterated view of the cartoon... it’s not like she is being deprived of one SECOND of this show). There is some whimpering and wailing and drama, intermingled with requests for ketchup and hot cocoa, and Wow! Wow! Wubbsy is back on the screen.
I have sat with her and watched this show I don’t know how many times and I can honestly say that I have NO idea what it’s about. NONE. I don’t know if Wubbsy is a rabbit, a squirrel, a cat... it’s some stupid thing. I dont know if Wubbsy is a girl or a boy. I have no clue what the point is of the cartoon. I will sit in front of it, stare at the screen, and have NO CLUE what I’m watching. It’s like it switches my brain off and I can’t for the LIFE of me pay attention.
Venice is so completely sucked in that it’s almost comical. She interacts with it, talks to the tv, tells me everything that’s going on and all I hear is "blah blah blah, Dani! Wubbsy blah blah blah!"
30 minutes later, Wubbsy is finally over. BUT... BUT!!! IT’S ON AGAIN FOR 30 MORE MINUTES! So for ONE HOUR Venice is on cartoon crack. As soon as it’s over she demands I magically make it appear again, which I can’t... which pisses her off... which makes her cry... so for the next 15-20 minutes I get to listen to her sad, pathetic little voice imploring me, "Dani? I want Wa Wa Wubbsy, pweeze? Pweeze, Dani? Pweeze I have Wa Wa Wubbsy? PWEEZE, Dani! *sob* PWEEZE I have Wa Wa Wubbsy!"
So I am imploring you, oh Gods of Children’s Programming a la Noggin, just put this damn cartoon on the air from 11:00 PST until 3:30 PST, no commercial breaks (because those also frustrate Miss V and make her veryyyy angryyyyy), no Maggie and the Ferocious Beast or Miss Whoever’s Sunny Patch or Little Bill... Just Wow! Wow! Wubbsy.
Thank you in advance.
Dani the Nanny
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